


A Crooked Arrow Through the Heart

by pupsaac (heyitschoc)



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Confused Derek, Derek Hale & Isaac Lahey Friendship, Derek Hale is Bad at Feelings, Derek-centric, Emotionally Constipated Derek, Emotionally Constipated Derek Hale, Emotionally Hurt Stiles Stilinski, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hipster Stiles, Hurt Stiles, Internal Conflict, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Minor Isaac Lahey/Scott McCall, Oblivious Derek, POV Derek, POV Derek Hale, Protective Scott McCall, Scisaac - Freeform, Scott McCall & Stiles Stilinski Friendship, Slow Build, Slow Build Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski, sciles brotp, sterek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-18
Updated: 2017-08-18
Packaged: 2018-12-16 22:52:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11838678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heyitschoc/pseuds/pupsaac
Summary: Derek knows he is straight as an arrow (well at least that's what he tells himself). He's a notorious player who has been playing this game ever since the day he reached puberty. Then came Stiles. Stiles who was polite, kind, funny, and genuine. More importantly, Stiles who is a man. He didn't know it then, but the moment they bumped into one another, was the moment Derek's life would be turned upside down. Now he has to face all the damning questions that he has never had about his sexuality. Sure it's not gonna be all peaches and sunshine, but the answer should be fairly easy right?





	A Crooked Arrow Through the Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Somehow this one-shot which was supposed to only run around 2K words got stretched into a 18K monster and I'm not really sure how it got that complicated, but in between the conflicts and internal monologues, it ended the way it did. Now, I know I have an incomplete series that has been stewing in its own shit for months now, but I kinda got pulled into the zone and I had to write all these before I get lazy again. I hope nobody is judging me for finishing this before I even got halfway past my old fanfic. I also hope that you get to enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. Finally, please do not repost this or any of my works anywhere without my permission.

Derek has always considered himself a proper ladies’ man. Ever since he had his first kiss at the tender age of eleven behind the school’s parking lot, he’s never had any problem with the ladies and to be quite honest, he likes the attention. Some would even go as far as to say that he revels in it, but those who do are probably just jealous of him.

That being said, Derek was secure enough of his sexuality that he didn’t even entertain the idea that he _might_ ever look at a man the way that he looks at women. Well, not until one Stiles Stilinski came barrelling into his life and Derek was forced to reluctantly face some damning questions he never had the courage to ask himself.

It all started, quite normally, on a Monday morning. Derek was on his way to his first class of the day. Like any other Mondays, Derek was busier talking to a random girl on his smartphone than minding his steps, since he figured people would have the decency to avoid colliding with his massive frame. Unfortunately, that wasn’t exactly the fact when, as he turned around a corner, he immediately bumped into someone that was sent tumbling to the ground.

Derek was about to unleash a string of words that would make his grandmother weep when his eyes landed on the poor bloke. He was wearing a blue button-down shirt, a pair of khaki pants and his tousled brown hair was mostly hidden behind a red beanie. Thinking about it now, he probably shouldn’t have remembered that much detail about something so trivial, but in his defence, it wasn’t the outfit that stood out for him.

He let out a groan and was about to go on his way as the guy fumbled to stand up. Derek was already past him when he felt someone pull on his wrist and Derek let out another groan. He was so late for his Sociology class.

The original plan was to scowl at the person until they let go, but as he turned around his furious eyes met a pair of big brown eyes and there was something about them that extinguished the fire behind Derek’s glare.

“Are you okay?” The question caught Derek off guard and for a moment he just stood there with his mouth open, brows knit together in confusion.

“What?” Was all that came out of Derek because this doesn’t make the least bit of sense to him.

“Look, I’m so sorry okay. I was running late for my next class so I wasn’t looking.” Beanie Guy started explaining as Derek kept on looking confounded. “Speaking of which, I’m sorry but I really have to get going now. I have lab with Harris next and I’m sure he’s just itching to have an excuse to kick me out of his class.”

Derek could only nod as this strange boy let go of his hand and sprinted towards the opposite direction. He, on the other hand, lingered for a minute before he remembered he was also running late for his next class.

 

The next time Derek saw him, they were at the quad. The guy was speed walking across the field, a book in hand and he has forgone the beanie for a pair of hipster glasses. Despite what others might say, Derek’s stare didn’t linger, they merely made sure that Beanie (or Hipster Glasses) guy made his way towards the main building without bumping into anybody else.

“Name’s Stiles. He’s studying Political Sciences and I heard his father’s in the Police Force so thread carefully Derek.” Isaac whispered loudly beside him—earning a curious look from Erica—and when he looked at him, the wanker had a glint of mischief in his eyes.

“What? I’m not even. _What?_ ” Derek fumbled for words, looking at Isaac who was still looking at him with the same shit-eating grin he has whenever an awful thought comes to him and so Derek plastered his eyes on his book to pointedly ignore his friends and his rapidly beating heart.

“How do you even know him?” Derek asks five minutes later _not_ because he was curious how much Isaac knows about this Stiles guy.

He immediately regretted his decision when Isaac and Erica shared a look with raised eyebrows.  Derek grumbled “Never mind. I wasn’t interested anyway.”

“I’ve been trying to hit on his best friend.” Isaac simply provided and if Derek felt some sort of relief wash over him then nobody has to know.

 

He saw Stiles a third time while he was on his way home one afternoon, but it wasn’t until the fourth time that Derek actually had the chance to talk with him again.

Derek remembered it was 2 weeks after their initial encounter. He was with Erica and Boyd, currently waiting for Isaac to show up to their usual diner. Derek was going through his messages while Erica and Boyd fought about whether or not eggs should be considered vegan.

“Derek, weigh in on this one. Don’t you think eggs should be up there in the animal category since they’re basically chicken fetus?” Erica argued but Derek didn’t so much as budge from his seat, that is until he heard someone from behind counter Erica.

“Actually, chicken eggs are unfertilised until the rooster mates with the hen so basically, eggs are nothing but chicken menstruation.” Derek vaguely remembered that voice and so he whipped his head back only to see the Beanie/Hipster Glasses Guy, _Steve_ or something, looming above him with Isaac and another guy beside him.

“Who the hell are you exactly and why do you know so much about chicken menstruation?” Erica inquired with a hint of amusement in her voice. Derek doesn’t feel good about this

“Oh right, sorry. I’m Stiles,” Oh right, his name was _Stiles._ “and this is my friend Scott.” Stiles gestured over the other stranger with the crooked jaw who gave them a crooked smile and a crooked wave.

“That’s all nice and swell, but you didn’t quite answer my question, Stiles.” Erica was being as relentless as ever, but Stiles just gave her a small smile.

“I just know a lot of useless trivia so in case you want to know more obscure factoids don’t hesitate to ask me.”

“Well, Stiles the Trivia Guy, I’m Erica and this chunk of fine chocolate ass here is Boyd. The brooding guy is Derek and I assume you already know Isaac.” Erica introduced all of them and Derek couldn’t do much but look up just to see Stiles smiling. And Stiles’ smile, for a lack of better term, was captivating. He smiled with his whole face lighting up and the only reason Derek noticed was that it was soon directed to him when Stiles finally noticed his presence.

“Oh, you’re that guy I bumped into!” Derek, despite what others would tell you, did not quirk up a that. _Nope._ He simply sat up straight just to be respectful and if he was somehow eager to shake Stiles’ hand then that’s just because his mother has raised a proper gentleman.

But of course, even a gentleman such as himself gets exhausted sometimes so really, he shouldn’t be faulted when he returned Scott’s attempt on a handshake with a half-hearted jiggle and a grunt before he went back to his phone.

“Hey, that wasn’t very nice of you!” Derek had to tear his eyes away from his phone once more to a frowning Stiles who looked properly affronted.

“It’s fine Stiles. He didn’t even do anything.” Stiles’ friend, Shawn was quick to appease him but the look on Stiles’ face didn’t disappear and for a second Derek actually felt guilty.

“Exactly. He just grunted at you like a caveman.” Derek doesn’t know why he is letting this stranger talk about him like that, but he just fell silent while a practical stranger lectured him on manners and his friends watched in complete amusement.

“Now go apologise to Scott and shake his hands properly.” Derek felt annoyed and Scott looked uncomfortable. Stiles, on the other hand, seemed like he wouldn’t budge so despite his better judgment, Derek stretched out his hands towards Scott.

“Nice to meet you, Scott. I’m sorry if I came across as rude.” The words were out of his mouth before he even thought of them to his friends’ shock and his own. Scott’s uncomfortable frown suddenly turned into a bright smile.  Stiles quickly followed suit and just like that, everything was okay again. Stiles sat beside Derek while Scott and Isaac sat in front of each other, stealing glances at each other when they thought nobody was looking.

“You’re the guy Isaac’s trying to hook up with!” Derek suddenly remembered, darting an accusing look across the table towards his friend whose eyes panned out the size of saucers

“Hey!” Stiles began and Derek quickly realised how wrong the words came out so he coughed.

“I mean, you’re the guy Isaac was trying to date.” There, that sounded better right? Derek looked at Stiles who gave him an approving smile. It may or may not have sent a warm feeling over Derek’s body.

After that, Derek decided it would be best if he kept his mouth shut unless it’s to eat. Soon enough, two hours have passed and Stiles was frantically rushing out of their booth with the excuse of being late for his shift and a promise that he’ll see every one of them soon.

Derek might’ve been disappointed, but he would never admit to that. Besides, he didn’t even know the guy. That, however, did not stop him from looking up ‘Stiles’ on every social media he has; hovering over the Request button before groaning and deciding against it. He didn’t even _know_ the guy aside from the fact that he was really polite and cheerful so Derek opted for a cold shower instead.

He decided that he needed to keep his mind off that annoying kid and so he was quick to rub one out and if he came to the image of dotted moles and caramel eyes, then that was a dilemma he’ll have to deal with for another time.

 

Two weeks. Derek hasn't seen Stiles once for another two weeks. He thought the next time he saw Scott, he’ll get to see his friend again, but they proved to not be a package deal. So, two weeks later, when Stiles sat down beside Derek inside the fairly empty cafeteria with a tray of curly fries and milkshake Derek was just a little bit confused at how pleased he felt.

“Hello Derek, how are you today?” He began, propping the tray carefully on the table with an easy smile on his face.

Derek considered for a moment before answering. “I’m good, thank you for asking. How are you today Stiles?”

His response seems to please Stiles if the bright smile on his face is any indication. “I’m very good today too.”

Derek doesn’t have anything to add to that. Mainly because he was never much for small talks, but also because he’s still feeling a bit confused at the stirrings he is now feeling deep within his stomach.

He was probably just hungry and Stiles probably figured that out because next thing he knows, Stiles was holding a curly fry in front of him and telling him to have a taste. Derek didn’t have any other choice so he slowly opened his mouth to take Stiles’ offer because Derek was a gentleman who was raised properly by his mother.

He did not comment about how it basically tasted like salted fat because he figured that would be impolite and might upset Stiles who apparently found joy in feeding Derek some more of his food.

They must’ve stayed there for a couple of minutes or a couple of hours. Derek couldn’t tell, not that he minded any of it for one second. He also didn’t mind that Stiles was looking at his watch and suddenly he’s jumping out of his seat, dropping the 3rd or 30th curly fry he was feeding Derek on the table.

“Shoot! I’m almost late for my next class. Sorry, Derek.”

“Were you never not late for anything?” For a second Derek thought he offended Stiles and was ready to apologise when he heard a light chuckle. He figured it wasn’t the worst thing to hear.

“Now _that_ my friend is the question.” Stiles simply answered, picking up his tray as he left Derek with a salute.

That night, Derek only stared at the ‘ _Request’_ button for 30 minutes before clicking it.

It took 2 hours for the notification to pop-up and another 1 hour of tossing and turning before Derek finally went to sleep. If he dreamed of sharing a milkshake with a guy in a beanie then that’s entirely nobody’s business but his own.

 

Being a red-blooded man, Derek is no stranger to the night scene. In fact, despite his looming appearance and brooding personality, he frequented college parties and nightclubs. This was the situation on Friday evening when he and his friends were invited to a frat party.

It was a chilly evening, but that didn’t stop most of the ladies from flaunting their assets much to Derek’s delight. By the time he has chugged his 6th cup of beer and shot number whatever, Derek has had at least three new numbers added to his contact list and was grinding with two lovely brunettes under the cheap disco ball that was illuminating the makeshift dance floor. It was also after his 6th cup and shot number whatever that he noticed Stiles timidly sipping from his own cup at the corner of the room.

Derek told himself that he doesn’t care. He kept on dancing with his possible hook-ups. That kept on for two minutes until he saw a redhead in a blue dress approach Stiles, whose face suddenly lit up. Derek slowed down as he tried to decipher what they were talking about, but all he saw was Red holding Stiles’ arm with a sense of familiarity and Stiles tilting his head back in laughter.

Derek wasn’t even aware that he has moved until he was about two inches from Stiles’ face and he realised that he’s come between him and Red.

“Uhm Derek?” Stiles looks queasy but Derek isn’t sure why. Usually, people light up when he enters the room. “What are you doing?”

What exactly was Derek doing? He’d like to know himself because this is reasonably uncharacteristic of him. Unfortunately, the answer didn’t come to him so he moved on to the next logical response.

“Who’s your pretty _friend_ Stiles?” He may or may not have been slurring, but who’s to know for sure, right?

“She’s uhm…” Stiles looked flustered. Derek decided it was a good look on him, _platonically speaking._ He was about to tell Stiles that when he felt a tap on his shoulder and suddenly he’s facing Red who is now smiling with a subtle hint of malice

“Hello, I’m Lydia Martin. Pleased to make your acquaintance Derek.” Red stretched out her arms. Derek looked at the extended hand, considered it for a moment before remembering that Stiles was behind and he was raised a gentleman. So, he did what every proper gentleman would do and took Red’s hand and kissed it. Derek wasn’t so sure, but he thought he heard someone behind him let out a stifled grunt.

“Pleasure is all mine gorgeous.” More stifled grunts came from behind him, but Derek was here to make a point regardless of whether or not he knows what exactly the point was. With a winning smile, Derek was sure he had charmed Red, but she only looked at her with an unimpressed arch of her perfectly drawn eyebrow.

“Sorry Darling, the ship has crashed before it even sailed,” The _nerve_! “but hey, nice try Champ!” With one final pat on the shoulder, she turned on her heels and clacked her way elegantly out of the room.

Shrugging, Derek turned around to see Stiles looking down on a particular spot on the floor.

“So, you and that girl huh?” He smirked. “Nice.” He nodded once before sipping on his stale beer.

“You seem like you’ve had your fair share of alcohol Derek.” Stiles’ observation was very astute. Derek admired how smart he was so he nodded again.

“I’m gonna be so hungover tomorrow.” He said enthusiastically.

“That you will my friend, that you will.” Stiles is now smiling again so Derek returned it with his own cheeky smile.

“Don’t you think you should go home then?” Stiles commented. Derek thought it was a brilliant idea, but there’s just one problem.

“I’m too drunk to go home on my own.” He admitted, then a lightbulb flashed above him. No, really, someone turned on the lights above them. “ _Oh_ , you should take me back to my apartment Stiles!”

Stiles looked skeptical, scratching the back of his head. Derek wasn’t going do it, but he had to use drastic measures. “C’mon Stiles, It’s the _polite_ thing to do.”

He knew he won when Stiles’ eyes widened momentarily and he’s being walked away from the party by a guy wearing a yellow beanie and thick hipster glasses. Two blocks later, Derek told Stiles that they’ve arrived. Stiles took it upon himself to see that Derek actually got inside their apartment without any incident on the 3 flights of stairs it took to get to their unit which he was extremely grateful for. Stiles is a good guy and Derek, well Derek’s a little too drunk. The last thing he remembered doing before blacking out was falling on his bed with Stiles in tow, looking a tad bit too anxious.

The next morning, Derek woke up with a piercing headache while reliving the particulars of the previous night. He was halfway to the bathroom when something dawned on him that made him stop in his tracks.

“Oh shit! I kissed Stiles. _”_

Although the details were still a bit hazy to him, Derek could make out some of the bigger events. He remembered stumbling on the stairs and Stiles assisting him; he remembered caressing Stiles’ face while telling him how great he was; he remembered looking into Stiles’ glossy onyx eyes while they were both sprawled on his bed before he cupped his cheeks and planted a big wet kiss on his lips. That much he remembered, but anything after that was a blank slate that his mind could either be too embarrassed to remember or too minor to even recount.

All he could think of is how upset Stiles probably was with him and that Derek owes him an apology. Which is why, after taking a quick shower, Derek decided he would march to Stiles’ place, be a proper gentleman, and take responsibility for his missteps. His plan was going smoothly until he came across a minor bump in the road.

“I don’t even know where Stiles lives!” He groaned in misery.

“I know where he lives.” Derek turned around, startled, to see Isaac leaning by his door frame with a bowl of cereal in his hands.

“Jesus fu-“

“Language _Derbear_.” Isaac, the bastard, tuts while waving a spoon at Derek.

“How long have you been there?”

“Not too long. I was gonna ask if you wanna make a run to the groceries to buy milk.” Isaac said in between a mouthful of soggy cereals. “Why do you need to see Stiles anyway?”

The question stopped Derek midway to putting on his socks.

“I..” He stammered. “I was going to see if he got my phone.” He reasoned lamely.

“Your phone’s over there.” Isaac pointed with his spoon behind Derek, towards his dresser and real enough, his phone was sitting on top.

“I mean my gloves. I’m gonna go see him and ask if he got my gloves.” Isaac looked at Derek for a moment with unimpressed eyes before he shrugged and gave Stiles’ address.

It all seemed so easy. Derek would drive to Stiles’ apartment, apologise for last night, and reassure him that Derek’s straight and is in no way attracted to him. He drove for just a little under 10 minutes because as it turns out, Stiles and Scott’s apartment complex was not that far from their own. He parked in front of the café opposite the building but didn’t get the courage to go out of his car for another 30 minutes.

As it turned out, the task at hand only seemed easy in theory but not in practice, so Derek stewed inside his car, carefully forming a speech that would both not offend Stiles and not sound homophobic. When he was confident enough that his words wouldn’t cause animosity between the two of them, Derek gave himself a pat on the back before soldiering on towards Stiles’ apartment unit.

 

If he was being honest, Derek imagined his encounter with Stiles going a hundred ways. None of them going the way it did when it actually happened. When he knocked on their door, heart throbbing just below his Adam’s apple, he was promptly greeted by a dopey-faced Scott.

“Oh, you’re not Isaac.” The dopey smile faltered for a bit then it quirked into an excited grin. “You must be here for Stiles!”

Derek wasn’t able to open his mouth halfway when Scott yelled for his roommate and all of a sudden, the dopey-faced curly boy was replaced by a similarly dopey-faced mole-y boy.

“Hello Derek, you wanna come in?” Stiles greeted without a hint of revolt that Derek was originally expecting. Derek’s initial plan of making this trip short and easy flew out the window the moment Stiles gestured for him to come in and he followed suit with a simple nod.

“Stiles, I think we need to talk.” Derek began, but soon enough a can of coke was being shoved into his hands while Stiles sat in front of the television. He invited Derek to sit down on the empty space beside him which the latter gingerly accepted.

“I’m assuming we would, but really it’s all fine and dandy Derek,” Stiles looked at him, the grin never leaving his face despite the background noise of a head being slashed coming from the TV. “no harm done.”

“I don’t think you get it.” He scratched the back of his head while he made his way to the couch where Stiles is gesturing for him to sit down.

“Believe me, Derek, I get it okay? You’ve had too much to drink last night, you weren’t in control of your faculties. If the circumstances between us were reversed, I would have totally also done the same.”

He’s not sure why, but Derek’s throat suddenly became dry despite the soda he’s been drinking. He’s also suddenly aware of Stiles’ presence beside him and for some unknown reason, his heart’s been skipping so many beats that he’s in danger of flatlining. Derek then looked at Stiles with this uneasy look on his face and it must’ve shown because Stiles decided to talk again.

“Don’t worry about it okay? I forgive you for throwing up on me” Stiles said in an unperturbed tone and oh.

_Oh._

Derek should be happy that his heart has decided to mellow down despite his throat getting even drier, but somehow this news is even more perplexing than his previous claim.

 _“Right.”_ Was all he could muster as he gathered his thoughts. Stiles gave him a clap on the shoulder before going back to his TV show, but Derek kept on staring at him.

Derek should really feel elated right now. He must have just dreamt the whole thing created by his alcohol-soaked brain. Somehow the idea that his subconscious thought of that didn’t make him feel any better so he prodded.

“Are you sure that’s the only thing that happened last night Stiles?” His stares were becoming intense as he studied Stiles’ facial expression. Looking for any crack or opening that would blow his cover because that was probably it right? Stiles was simply fooling around at Derek’s expense. He’s feeling a bit annoyed now.

“Yes, Derek that was all. I mean, you also told me that you like my glasses. Thank you for that, by the way.” Stiles, ever the polite one, always tore his gaze away from the screen and towards Derek whenever he talked so every time he talks, Derek has to endure looking into those beautiful brown eyes that somehow radiate something warm and comforting _._

After much internal conflict, most of which Derek spent looking at the side of Stiles’ head while the latter reacted to the scenes on the TV, he decided that the kiss he thought of that morning may _actually_ be nothing more than just a drunken reverie.

“I think I should be going now.” He decided after the credits rolled since there’s really no more reason for him to stay and the air has been cleared. He never kissed Stiles—in a drunken stupor or not— and although something else happened last night, it was all forgiven.

“Oh, are you sure?” Stiles asked in a tone that hinted disappointment.

Derek wasn’t sure, but for some reason, he said something along the lines of _“Unless you want to hang out?”_

Stiles only gave him a warm smile and stood up, coming back 5 minutes later with a bowl of chips and more sodas.

“I figured you wouldn’t want some beer given the recent circumstances.” He gave him a playful smirk, which Derek found _almost_ endearing, as he sat down again beside him, placing the bowl on his lap and the soda cans on the table before pressing the ‘next’ button.

While they were watching, Derek was once again made awfully aware of Stiles presence beside him. The way their shoulders bumped, the way he ate his chips, and even the way he reacted to the scenes as if he was physically there made Derek _feel_ him even more. If Stiles heard Derek’s heart thump heavily, he never said anything. Derek thought that was for the best.

20 more minutes into the program and Derek was startled by a loud knocking coming from the front door. Stiles was about to stand up when they heard Scott yell that he’s got it and soon enough, the other guy emerged from his room wearing a neat button-down shirt and tight jeans. Derek didn’t have to wonder long when Isaac soon walked into the living room wearing his date shirt or as he liked to call it, his _‘getting laid’_ shirt.

“Fancy seeing you’re still here Derek.” Isaac was way too amused and Derek doesn’t like it one bit.

“We’re hanging out.” Stiles, bless his pure soul, fortunately, answered for him with a cheeky grin.

“ _Huh,_ we almost never do that Derbear.” Derek despised that sentence for two reasons. First, because Isaac was being deliberately shrewd and second because Stiles now looks too delighted for some reason.

“ _Derbear?”_ Ah, that was the reason then. “That’s such a cute nickname, Derek.”

He doesn’t know why he did it, but instead of rebutting Stiles, Derek only mumbled a soft _‘thanks’_ while he felt heat spread across his cheeks. Isaac will pay for this later. For now, he’ll just have to relish the way Stiles smiled happily at Derek’s nickname.

“Okay, I’m ready to go.” Scott finally announced after he went back from his room wearing a brown leather jacket. Isaac looked lovestruck. Derek found it disgusting in the way he finds his sisters disgusting when they talk about their boyfriends.

With a final wave, the two guys bid Derek and Stiles goodbye as they headed out for the day.

“Have fun you two. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t.” Stiles teased much to Scott’s embarrassment.

“And you two, feel free to do anything I _would_ ,” Isaac replied with a wink much to Derek’s embarrassment.

They did in fact, _not_ do anything that Isaac would’ve done mostly because Stiles was so engrossed with his TV show to actually do anything else. Derek found that he didn’t mind it too much. He found Stiles’ company to be somewhat comforting despite the spike in his heart rate. What he didn’t realise though, was time flying by because soon enough, Stiles was standing in front of Derek and stretching, t-shirt riding up just enough for Derek to see a trail of hair from Stiles…

“ _No, I wouldn’t go there Derek._ ” He told himself.

Stiles must’ve noticed because then he’s apologising and Derek’s telling him there’s nothing to be sorry about.

“Do you want to grab some dinner? We can order in if you want.” Derek meant to refuse this time, he really did but out of nowhere, he didn’t. That was how Derek ended up paying for the pizza Stiles ordered and sharing a meal with another man while watching bloody reruns of Game of Thrones. Whatever happened to just apologising for a kiss that never even happened?

After they were done eating, Derek willed himself to actually say goodbye this time. He explained that he’s still supposed to do some schoolwork and if Stiles was disappointed that Derek has to leave, he was really good at hiding it.

Late that night, Derek didn’t actually get any of his school works done, but that was what Sundays are for. Instead, he laid in bed, thinking of the events of the day and smiling genuinely more than he’s ever done in months. If he slept with the thought of a brown-haired hipster, well, can anybody really blame him?

 

Somehow after that day, Derek seemed to see Stiles more often on and off campus. He was also made very much aware of Stiles’ presence which only seemed to grow with every passing day. Derek doesn’t know what to make of it, but he feels good around Stiles. Something about his sympathetic personality and polite demeanor made Derek feel refreshed.

“Hey Derek, how’s it hanging buddy?” Stiles greeted one particularly exhausting afternoon. Derek barely made it out of his last lecture for the day and he was properly drained. He thought of giving a minimal grunt as a response but somehow thought better of it.

“I’m tired, but that’s just college for you right?” Derek forced a smile which Stiles returned with an understanding one.

“I’m so sorry to hear that Derek.” Stiles gave him a pat on the back which, surprisingly enough, somehow eased the tension he was feeling.

They were walking in silence towards the parking lot and Derek silently wondered when they became this comfortable in each other’s company. He doesn’t mind it one bit though. In fact, he’ll go as far as to say that he now welcomes Stiles’ constant presence in his life, whatever that means.

“Here’s my stop then. See you soon Derek _._ ” Stiles was still wearing a bright smile on his face when he stopped in front of a beaten old blue jeep. Derek doesn’t know what to make of the strange feeling that seems to settle deep within him whenever he parts ways with Stiles.

“Do you wanna maybe hangout this weekend?” Once more, Derek was subjected to the loss of his brain-to-mouth filter. He stood there frozen when he realised what he just said but the wider smile on Stiles’ face told him that he did not yet screw things up.

“That would be lovely _Derbear._ ” The nickname should have brought the usual cringing feeling down his spine, but instead, he just felt a pleasant chill trickle down and a warm sensation flush over his face. He gave Stiles one final nod and turned around to save himself from any more future embarrassment.

“Wait, Derek?” He turned back around to see Stiles with a look of mild confusion. “Do you maybe want to exchange numbers?”

_Of course._

“Yeah sure.” Derek hoped he played it cool, but even if he did, Stiles was graceful enough not to make Derek look like a fool and he was really grateful for that.

This time, when Derek was sure that Stiles has saved his number and vice versa, he gave him a small smile before turning back again, this time firm on walking away.

 _“Derek?”_ He closed his eyes and let out a deep breath before turning back again, ready to face the newest form of humiliation brought by his failed social skills.

“See you this weekend.” Stiles simply said as he waved him goodbye that Derek promptly returned. Then he broke into a speed walk, his feet pacing as fast as his heartbeat.

That night he received a _‘good night’_ text message from Stiles which he didn’t respond to. For the next two hours, that is. Because _he was raised a gentleman._

That same night, if Derek slept with yet another genuine smile on his face, then perhaps he should be a little bit concerned that it’s because of another man but he’s too sleepy to care.

 

Throughout the next few days, Derek and Stiles had exchanged numerous texts ranging from simple greetings to asking how each other’s day went. Derek found it refreshing to talk to someone on the phone without having to resort to tactics that usually lead to both parties dropping their clothes and sharing a carnal and erotic night. With Stiles, it was all very simple. He texts Derek ‘ _good morning’_ and wishes him a good day, Derek replies with the same greetings and reminds Stiles not to be late on any of his classes.

“Who are you texting?” Erica inquired on a Friday, the day before his supposed hang out with Stiles.

“No one.” Derek coughed, straightening up while he lowered his phone to meet Erica’s quirked eyebrows.

“Why are you all smiles and happy eyebrows Derek? Who’s that girl?” Erica insisted and what _girl?_

“It’s no one okay, just a casual hookup.” Derek felt bad for lying. He felt even worse when he realised he categorised Stiles as a _casual hookup_.

“That’s not your hookup smirk Derek. That’s something more.” Erica kept on pressing. Naturally, Derek silently pleaded Boyd to stop her, but he seemed to be mildly intrigued as well. Unfortunately for Derek, that was also the moment his phone beeped and before he could even read the on-screen notification, Erica has already grabbed the phone out of his hands.

“ _See you tomorrow at 10._ ” She read out loud with a face that was equal parts amusement and surprise. “You’re not hiding a secret girlfriend from us, you’re hiding a secret _boyfriend!_ ”

“ _What?_ Stiles is _not_ my boyfriend _!_ ” Derek found the accusation both absurd and disturbing so he glared at Erica as best he can, but it didn’t even make her flinch. “Stiles is not my _anything_.”

He would have kept on insisting upon the fact, but he knows Erica; more importantly, he knows she won’t let him live this one down so he did what any self-respecting man would do. He took his phone from her prying hands before leaving them altogether.

Who needs shitty friends who accuse him of having secret boyfriends anyway? _Him,_ of all people, have a _boyfriend!_ A secret one at that. Derek fiercely scoffed at the idea.

Late that night, after saying good night to Stiles and reassuring that they’re still on for tomorrow, Derek pondered on Erica’s words. Surely, he can’t be boyfriends with Stiles. For one, he is not even _remotely_ _attracted_ to men and they have never been on a date. On any other time, Derek would have groaned at how weak and pathetic his arguments sounded even in his own head, but it’s almost midnight and he promised to pick up Stiles tomorrow.

 

Derek was raised a proper gentleman. Point, in fact, he arrived at Stiles and Scott’s shared apartment fifteen minutes before ten wearing a decent shirt and a pair of stylish loafers. Of course, it wasn’t a date because Derek _‘doesn’t feel that way about Stiles.’_ He simply thought it wouldn’t be acceptable to go out looking less than presentable, for the ladies they might come across while they’re hanging out, _as friends_.

As soon as he knocked on the door, he was greeted with the familiar dopey-faced smile that Scott usually has for him, except today it’s extra dopey and Derek feels just a little bit uneasy.

“Hey, man come on in. Stiles was just choosing if he should go beanie or glasses today.” Scott said a little too loud for Derek’s liking.

 _“I heard that Scotty.”_ Came a reply from one of the rooms as Scott gave Derek a wink.

“So, how are you today Derek?” For a second he almost wondered if he could ever avoid the formalities that always came with the Stilinksi and McCall household. _Fat chance_ his mind supplemented.

“I’m doing great, how about you Scott?” Was the curt reply.

“Not too bad myself. I’m actually going out with Isaac later.” If Scott kept on talking beyond that point, Derek wasn’t able to tell because that was also the moment Stiles emerged from his room.

He had forgone both the beanie and the glasses opting instead to style his hair into a quiff while wearing navy blue jeans and a deep red button-down shirt. Derek felt even more uneasy, as if someone punched the air out of him because Stiles looked rather _amazing_. Of course, the part where he was unable to breathe was probably because he felt as if he was a little bit underdressed and now he’s afraid that Stiles would get the attention of the possible ladies they could meet today. Yeah, that’s _obviously_ it.

He hoped it wouldn’t be the case. He hoped nobody looked at Stiles and see how captivating he is like the way Derek did because that wouldn’t bode well for his ego, no matter how confident he is with his own looks.

“Are you okay Derek?” He snapped out of his daze with a slight shake from Scott beside him. He silently nodded and looked elsewhere, trying his best not to mind the weird look that Scott was giving him or the uneasy stare from Stiles.

“So, you ready to go?” Derek croaked out, suddenly very aware of how dry his throat was. Stiles looked concerned at first but Derek wouldn’t want to delay their totally platonic hang out so he waved Stiles off when he offered him a glass of water.

“Well then,” Stiles started. “We’re going, Scotty. Don’t get too wild with Isaac okay?” Stiles winked at his friend while they walked off.

“You too buddy, you too.” Was Scott’s cheeky response which earned him a heavy eye roll from Stiles. It’s all the confirmation that Derek needed that this is, in fact, not a date. The heavy feeling at the bottom of his stomach was back.

Since they’ve decided to catch a movie they’ve both been wanting to see and Stiles’ jeep—daftly named Roscoe—was a little too prone to breakdowns, Derek was the one who drove them to the cinema. Derek insisted that he pay for the tickets since the hang out was his idea. Stiles relented after a while, but he sneakily bought them two hotdogs and soda plus a large tub of popcorn while Derek was in line.

Derek gave him a look as if Stiles betrayed him, but he helped carry the food anyway; bumping the other man’s shoulder as a way of thanking him. Stiles just gave him a shrug while an employee ushered them to their seats.

Once they were comfortably seated they were quick to fall into conversation. Stiles asking Derek about general things going on in his life and Derek answering them with generic answers. Neither of them minded as they both knew it wasn’t awkward no matter how lame the questions were, that’s what Derek wanted to believe anyway.

“Hey, I remember you saying you have a class with Harris?” Derek suddenly asked, remembering the first time they ever bumped into each other. He suddenly felt the tips of his ear heating when he realised how weird it was that he remembered a trivial piece of information. Stiles on the other hand just looked amused.

“Oh yeah. I want to say that he personally hates me, but after a while, I realised that he just hates everyone.” Stiles replied before stuffing his mouth with a handful of popcorns. “I mean, I get it. He’s an old bachelor and no one to share his life with.”

Derek snorted at this, startling his friend for a moment. _“Stiles!”_ Derek gasped audibly, “Are you being mean to a respectable member of the college faculty?”

Stiles looked affronted and Derek couldn’t help but give him a playful smirk. He was about to reply to Derek, but they were reprimanded by an elderly man from two seats behind. Derek could tell, despite the dimly-lit room, that Stiles looked flustered. He apologised for the two of them before looking back at Derek who just feigned innocence as the opening credits began to play.

If there was one thing that Derek noticed about Stiles, it was that when he was watching something he genuinely enjoys, his eyes light up with amazement and his face contorts in reaction to the scenes playing out in front of him. Derek doesn’t remember when he stopped paying attention to the screen but he thought that seeing Stiles’ happy face was undoubtedly better than whatever he paid for to actually watch anyway.

He was amused by how enamored Stiles looked as the story unraveled; he was entertained by how he dug through their half-empty tub of popcorn, absentmindedly feeding himself every now and then; but most importantly, Derek was for some reason delighted when Stiles would grip his hands tightly whenever a particularly tense scene came up.

He doesn’t know how to explain it, but along the way, Derek found himself deeply enraptured by how fascinating Stiles’ expressions were. That alone should concern him, instead, it made him feel elated.

Derek was only made aware that the movie was finished when Stiles suddenly looked back at him. His eyes were wide with wonder and his smile even wider with happiness. Both of these quickly changed into concern though as he looked at Derek.

“Is there something on my face?” He was quick to check his mouth, suddenly a little too conscious and Derek couldn’t help the fond look on his face.

“Nah, you’re perfect.” The words were out even before he could think twice and he has never been thankful that they were in cinema and Stiles couldn’t see the way his cheeks were furiously blushing.

“Says the hottest guy on campus,” Stiles said as nonchalant as one can utter those words and Derek felt the air being sucked out of his lungs. He knows he’s objectively attractive. Many people had attested to that, but somehow hearing it come from Stiles made him feel validated.

“You think I’m _hot?_ ” He muttered under his breath, his voice dripping with doubt for the first time since he can remember even though he tried to scoff.

“I mean, yeah. Even Scott says you’re hot and he already thinks Isaac is the perfect male specimen.” _Oh._ Stiles shrugged one shoulder as he looked at Derek with what he could only describe as _platonic admiration._

 _Friends._ That’s what they all were anyway right? Derek never even knew if Stiles had an inkling for boys or girls or whatever, but he sure as hell knows that he’s exclusively into the opposite sex so it doesn’t matter. Although, didn’t stop his stomach from swirling into a whirlpool of gloominess. A gloominess that he had to push back soon enough when he saw Stiles stand up with so much vibrancy that Derek was forced to share some of it.

“So, you wanna grab lunch Der?” He paused for a bit before giving Stiles an affirmative nod and smile. They went to a nearby diner, one which Stiles swore served the best milkshakes. Derek didn’t even particularly like milkshakes, but the way Stiles sold the diner had him buzzing to try it out.

Derek didn’t know what to get so he let Stiles decide for their meal and when he saw the huge servings of burgers, candied bacon, and curly fries, he was slightly worried about their health.

“It’s my cheat day.” Shrugged Stiles while biting into a piece of bacon. Derek snorted lightly before taking a bite from his own burger. He had to admit, he’s had better burgers but there was something about this particular burger that made an impact with Derek. Maybe it was the extra cheese or the pickles, or maybe it was just the general ambiance of the place? Derek couldn’t tell but he didn’t really care. All he knew at that moment was he was honest to God having a good meal.

He wasn’t halfway done with his burger when he heard Stiles moan. If he was a dog his ears would have probably quirked up from the way he immediately became alert. He found Stiles chewing on his food in delirious ecstasy with his eyes closed and jaws moving up and down in a slow, rhythmic motion which rendered Derek thunderstruck. He was quick to avert his gaze though when Stiles opened his eyes, biting his lip in embarrassment as he looked at Derek.

“Sorry just, _curly fries_!” He said like it explained everything. Derek nodded slowly as if he understood. Stiles then smiled at him and began feeding him some of his fries _again._ Derek was a little bit confused since it seems like curly fries were Stiles go-to comfort food but he didn’t complain, he just took each fry with a tentative smile.

After they were done eating, which meant Stiles was done feeding Derek half of his curly fries and he had wolfed down the remaining of his burger, their milkshakes arrived. Stiles was practically buzzing in his chair and it reminded Derek of a 7-year old boy on a Christmas morning. It wasn’t long until he found out why. When Stiles vouched for the credibility of their milkshakes, he wasn’t lying one bit. Soon enough, they’ve both had their fair-share of brain freeze, an empty table, and two full stomachs.

Once they were satisfied with their meals, Derek has gestured to their waitress, a beautiful blonde, for their check. He was about to take out his wallet when he saw Stiles whip out his card from his own, slyly winking at Derek who couldn’t do anything but accept Stiles’ gesture of goodwill.

“That’s twice you’ve paid for my food today Stiles,” Derek commented as they made their way to his car.

“Only seems fair.” Stiles shrugged, hands in his pockets. “But if you’re really sour about it, you can always make it up to me next time.”

 _Next time._ It wasn’t really much but those two words held so much promise for Derek that he found himself looking forward to their future encounters. He only gave Stiles a smile that the boy returned with a warm one as Derek opened the door for him.

“Thanks.” Was the meek reply Derek heard before he went to the driver’s side of the car to take them back to Stiles’ apartment. The drive back was one that was filled with comfortable silence. Stiles who was usually filled with energy was surprisingly still beside him. Derek was pleasantly amused when he glanced sideways and saw that Stiles had actually fallen asleep. He chuckled at the sight before concentrating on the road again.

Once they reached the building, Derek gently shook Stiles back to consciousness. He snuck in a breath when Stiles slowly stirred, rubbed his eyes, and stifled a yawn. He never knew something as mundane as waking up from a nap could look so mesmerizing. Derek didn’t entertain those thoughts for long because he was afraid where they would lead. Instead, he got out of his car to open Stiles’ door for him since he was still a bit bleary.

Stiles invited Derek to come inside for a cup of tea, but the latter willed himself to refuse, remembering that he still had a ton of assignments to finish. Stiles’ eyes seemed to have faltered for a moment which Derek brushed off as the younger man still being a little bit sleepy.

“Well, thanks for today. I had a great time with you.” Stiles finally said, hanging by their apartment’s door frame and smiling warmly.

“Likewise, Stiles. I’ll see you on campus okay?” Derek returned the smile with one of his own, his words not quite a question but more of a promise. With yet another quick wink, Stiles bid Derek goodbye. He didn’t hear the door shut until he was a good two flights of stairs down and the familiar warm feeling started to spread across his chest again.

That night, after Derek finished a reaction paper that was due on Monday, he recalled the events of the past day and if he was smiling fondly while reading a simple _‘good night’_ text, then who’s to say he wasn’t contemplating what he was going to reply?

 

Since then, Derek and Stiles fell into some kind of routine. They somehow became closer the more the spent time doing things together. They hung out on the campus library; they had lunch at the cafeteria whenever they caught each other on break, they even go to each other’s apartments to binge-watch tv shows instead of doing their various school responsibilities; and when they’re not together, they were constantly on the phone, texting each other.

Derek doesn’t know when was the last time he went on like this. He has not opened the many dating apps he had on his phone since he and Stiles first saw a movie together. He’s still getting notifications, but at this point he was past the point of caring what they contained at all. It also probably showed because one night while he was hanging out with Erica, Boyd, and Isaac on the rare occasion that they were all free (which, for Derek and Isaac, meant that Stiles and Scott were both occupied doing best friend stuff) he was called out for his unusual behaviour which was saying a lot since he always thought he was the most normal member of their little _pack._

“So, what’s new with you _Derbear?_ ” They were in their usual bar, wasting their youth on cheap beers when Erica leaned forward, her lips quirked upright in that little smirk she perpetually has.

“You mean aside from the fact that he’s dating Stiles?” Isaac butted as he sipped his beer and _what?_ Derek doesn’t like where this is going so he did what he did best, he occupied his mouth with his drink while he glared and groaned at his prying friends.

“Stiles and I aren’t dating.” He simply stated with a voice devoid of any emotion. Mainly because it was the truth and also because his friends should know better by now.

Erica and Isaac just raised their eyebrows in unison and when he looked at Boyd for help, the bastard just gave him an amused shrug.

“I am _not_ dating Stiles okay!” He insisted despite the ever-rising brows from his two most annoying friends.

“Oh _Derek_ ,” Erica said in a sickly-sweet voice, “There’s no shame in dating a guy, I mean Isaac is as gay as they go and we love him anyway. I, for one, think Stiles is good for you.”

Derek’s heart skipped a beat and he suddenly felt his throat close up. It’s not that he resents the word. It’s not that he has a problem with gay people. Heck, his roommate of 3 years and best friend for much of his adult life is gay and he thinks he’s one of the most genuine people he knows.

Derek doesn’t know, but he suddenly felt chills run down his spine. Up to that point in his life, he has exclusively only dated women; has exclusively slept with women; and has exclusively liked women. It was so much so that for all his existence, he has never entertained any thought that he _might_ be attracted to men the same way he was to women. Sure, he sometimes sees men and he could _objectively_ say that they were fit, but it was more of an appreciation rather than genuine admiration or infatuation.

Derek wasn’t sure, but somehow his body shut down at the accusation and his mind blacked out. “I’m not _gay_ okay! I’m not _attracted_ to Stiles and I sure as hell _am not_ dating him nor will I _ever_ date him or any other guy!”

The words were out before he could think them through and only when he was done talking that he realised that half the bar was looking at them, _at him_ , and that he was standing. His friends looked at him with mixed looks of concern, embarrassment, and _pity._ Derek scoffed at them before he stomped away with heavy strides.

“Derek…” He heard Erica mutter but it was futile. He needed to be somewhere else, somewhere he won’t be judged and his masculinity won’t be questioned. He knew just the place.

As a bona fide adult, Derek had the right to do whatever he can on a Friday night so he did what every dignified man whose sexuality was questioned by storming out of a bar and going to the nearest liquor store to buy a bottle of his own and getting trashed on a nearby park.

He could admit now that it wasn’t the best decision he’s ever made, but it felt like the right one at the moment. He took swig after swig of bitterness, drowning his own self-doubt and the nagging feeling at the back of his mind until he was properly wasted.

_Fuck Erica and her interrogating eyes. Fuck Isaac and his mocking teases. Fuck Boyd and his apathetic stares. Fuck Stiles… Fuck Stiles and his politeness; and his genuine smile; and his amazing personality._

_Fuck Stiles for making Derek question everything he thought he knew about his sexuality._

_Fuck Stiles._

_Fuck. Stiles._

“This is all his fault.” Derek decided in his drunken stupor. He ignored the way the road seemed to be swaying, he ignored the way the world seemed to be turning a little bit faster, and he walked towards the general direction of Stiles apartment. He needed to take this by the root and there’s only one way to do it.

Despite all odds, Derek managed to stumble in front of Scott and Stiles’ building and was soon banging on their front door. He didn’t realise how late it was until Stiles answered the door in his old Star Wars t-shirt and boxers, rubbing his bleary eyes. Derek took in the sight and wanted to eat him up then and there. He pushed the idea back when he remembered he was there for the entire opposite of that.

“Hey Derek, what do you need?” Stiles yawned. Maybe Derek can tell Stiles off some other time? _No,_ he’s here for one reason and one reason only.

“ _You,”_ Derek pointed an accusing finger at Stiles, poking his chest as he slowly inched closer inside their apartment. “You messed me up really bad Stiles.”

Stiles looked a little bit uncomfortable, but Derek hasn’t even begun. “I don’t even like you Stiles, but somehow you made me hang out with you and you made me feel all funny inside and now all my friends think we’re _dating._ Which is really stupid and annoying because I’m straight and because I _do not_ like you one bit.” Derek felt a tug on his heart, but that was probably just the alcohol.

“Uh Derek,” Stiles’ voice sounded cracked, but he interrupted Derek and that was _rude._ Stiles should know better.

“Hey I’m not finished, Stiles. You’re so polite and so proper and it drives me crazy how uptight you are! Always asking people how they are doing and offering to help old ladies cross the road. Who does that Stiles? No one, that’s who.” In all honesty, Derek found Stiles’ manners quite endearing, but he had to make a point, right?

He doesn’t know when it happened, but suddenly Scott was in the living room, bare chested and Derek just knew then that he wasn’t gay because he wasn’t a little bit attracted to Scott regardless of how toned his arms looked like or how well his pectorals and abs were formed. That was proof enough of his sexuality for him.

“What is happening here?” Scott’s voice was soft, but Derek wasn’t really paying attention. He had more to say and Scott wouldn’t stop him from doing that.

“It’s nothing Scott. Derek was just leaving.” _No, he was not._

“No, I wasn’t.” Derek slurred, “Look, just stay away from me Stiles okay? I don’t need more rumours to spread. I’m done with all these okay. I’m so done with people thinking I’m gay whenever I’m with you so just stay away from me. I’m not gay and I certainly do not and will never like a someone like you.”

The punch he got from Scott happened in a blur, but suddenly there was a dull pain in his jaw and he was stumbling to the ground.

“What the hell man?” Scott sounded angry. He didn’t know he was capable of that emotion, but the punch felt real enough cos his lip cracked from the impact.

“Scott, stop it” Stiles was quick to hold back his friend who was aiming for another punch. Derek slowly rose up and was met with a proper scowl from Scott and a dejected look from Stiles. He doesn’t really know why they have those looks because he was just being truthful and saying what he had in mind.

“You’re a total douchebag Derek.” Scott insulted, but right then he didn’t care. He has said his piece and now he can go home. Something told him he wasn’t welcomed anymore so he turned away from them and started making his way out of their apartment.

“Derek,” He heard Stiles say, albeit faintly. “You should sit down. We’ll call Isaac to pick you up.”

“What the hell Stiles?” Scott sounded scandalous, but Stiles insisted that he call their mutual friend. Meanwhile, the world turned even faster and then Derek fell down a cliff.

Okay, perhaps Derek was wrong and he didn’t, in fact, fall down a cliff because he was soon being slapped back into consciousness by someone. When he opened his eyes, he saw that it was Isaac and although he was still mad at him, he was delighted that he was here.

“Ishac m’bro!”  He whispered with his face still plastered on the soft cushion. Curious, but more curious still that Isaac didn’t seem to be talking to him despite how he was lifting him up from the couch.

“What’s wrong Isaac?” Derek asked, genuinely unaware why his best friend is giving him the cold shoulder. When he didn’t answer, Derek decided to resort to firmer methods.

“I said what the fu-” He didn’t get to finish when Isaac smacked his head. If it were not for the fact that the ceiling was still spinning a little bit Derek would have smacked him back. Maybe he’ll do that in the morning.

“ _Shut up Derek_. You’ve done enough damage.” So, Isaac wasn’t mute after all. Good to know. “Sorry, I’ll be taking this idiot now and I’ll see that he learns his lesson soon enough.”

That confused the hell out of Derek because one, he wasn’t an idiot; two, Isaac shouldn’t be apologising for him since he didn’t do anything but convey a message to Stiles; and three, what _lesson_ is he talking about? Derek hurt his head in confusion and he decided that thinking could wait until his brain wasn’t swimming in alcohol.

With one last look at Scott who still looked seething and Stiles who was timidly sitting on his spot, Derek was dragged, quite crudely, out of the apartment by Isaac.

The ride back to their own apartment was filled with cold silence and Isaac only did enough to get Derek into his room before slamming the door behind him.

That night, for the longest time, Derek didn’t dream of something happy. In fact, he didn’t remember dreaming at all and somehow that made him feel a little bit distraught.

 

Derek, not for lack of better word, woke up feeling like complete and utter _shit_. His head was pounding, he jaw was aching, and he faintly smells of alcohol and vomit. _Typical hangover_ he thought, before the memories of the previous night came flooding him all at once and he felt his heart drop into an endless pit.

For a moment Derek felt remorseful and ashamed, then he felt like what he did was just necessary, albeit a little harsh. He’s been talking himself into a conviction that what he did was for the best, but a little nagging voice at the back of his head told him that he at least owed Stiles an apology for the hurtful things that might have offended him.

He resolved to take a shower, regardless of how painful the throbbing in his head was. When he was sure that he didn’t reek of shame and disappointment anymore, he marched towards the living room, car keys in hand and a proper apology in mind. He wasn’t two feet across the room when he heard Isaac speak from the kitchen.

“Where do you think you’re going?” His voice was void of any trace of cheerful demeanor that always accompanied Isaac and when Derek turned he saw his friend (because they’re at least still friends right?) nursing his first caffeine fix for the day.

“Stiles.” Derek doesn’t want to admit it, but he knew he sounded a little bit embarrassed when he confessed his destination. The quirked eyebrow and downturned frown from Isaac didn’t really help much either

“I don’t think so Derek.” Isaac’s stare darkened which Derek has only ever seen once before. It didn’t deter Derek though. He turned around and was about to go on his way when he heard Isaac speak again.

“Stiles was a good guy you know?” Derek stopped on his track, unable to do anything but listen to his friend sermon him on how much he screwed things up. “He was nothing but good in every way possible. From the very first time I met him, I’ve always known that he was a good guy and I’m sure you know that too.”

"I know that,” Derek said in such a quiet tone that he wasn’t sure if Isaac heard. “ _I know that_ which is why I want to go apologise to him. He didn’t deserve what he heard last night.”

“Damn right he didn’t!” Isaac didn’t raise his voice one bit, but Derek could still hear the anger and disappointment in every word. “Which is why you won’t go there. You’ll stay here and let all of this cool down, then maybe, if you’ve actually learned your lesson you can do something to fix your mess.”

Isaac talked with such finality that Derek knew arguing at that point would have been futile, but he did it anyway because he was stubborn.

“I don’t care okay, I know what I did was a jerk move and that’s why I want to talk to Stiles. He needs to know I didn’t mean _anything_ I said last night.” Derek didn’t know when he started shaking, but it must have been a while.

“Do you really think Stiles would like to see the person who made him feel like he wasn’t accepted right now? Derek, you told him that you _didn’t like him_ for God’s sake! You practically said he was a deplorable person for being who he is. He was distraught and devastated, not just because he thought you two were going places but because now, he thinks that you hate him and everything he stands for.” Isaac paused and Derek had to sit down because the gravity of his actions was starting the weigh on him.

“Derek, you degraded Stiles’ existence just to make a point that you’re _not gay?_ Dude nobody cares about your sexuality and hanging out with another man shouldn’t affect your personal worldview. I mean sure, we teased you about it, but that was just it. _Teasing._ Whatever you do or do not feel for Stiles, you shouldn’t have done that, but hey, as long as you make it clear that you’re straight who cares if you hurt other people right? I seriously hope your fragile masculinity is happy.” Isaac ended his monologue by walking away to his room and shutting the door loudly behind him. Derek, on the other hand, was nailed on his seat, unable to do anything but ponder on everything that Isaac said.

In the end, Isaac announced that he’s going to Scott and Stiles’ apartment and that Derek isn’t allowed to follow him. For his part, Derek didn’t respond. Still plastered on his seat, he let Isaac do his thing as he wallowed in his own remorse.

That night and for the nights that came after, Derek was not able to sleep as peacefully as he did prior to his outburst. He knew the reason why and now he wonders if there’s still hope for redemption.

 

It had been two whole months since the fiasco that caused a rift between Derek and Stiles’ relationship. A whole month where Derek felt miserable with each passing day that he was forced to relive in his head, all the hurtful things he’s said to Stiles.

For the first few days, he tried so hard to blame his friends for his misfortunes, refusing to take Erica’s calls or ignoring Isaac’s attempt at conversations, he even went so far as to decline Boyd’s offers to help spot him at the gym. Eventually, he realised that the fault may not be entirely his own, but the choice to make a fool out of himself and alienate Stiles couldn’t be blamed for no one, save himself.

Of course, he tried to apologise but somehow he never did. He tried going to their apartment but he never had the courage to walk past the front doors. When he tried to wait for Stiles outside of his classrooms, he was met with a panicked Stiles who would run the opposite direction.

He was relentless for the first week but soon realised that Stiles was just honouring Derek’s words so with a heavy heart, he resolved to let things cool down a little. And by this, he meant going back to the old ways, or at least he tried to. He went to parties and bars, he met up with women on the internet and tried to hook up with them to no avail. Every time Derek came close to getting intimate with another woman, his mind would go back to the days that he spent with Stiles. He gave up soon afterward when he realised that even meaningless hook ups were now a futile endeavor.

Soon enough as Derek tired himself of partying his guilt away, he decided it was time to man up to his mistakes and what better way than to talk to his most trusted confidant about it? Which was how he found himself one Saturday morning driving to the opposite end of town where he went knocking frantically in front of a familiar door with a jittery feeling in his stomach.

When Laura, his sister, opened the door there was a look of surprise and amusement on his face that made Derek’s inside lurch some more. He’s already regretting this decision, but what’s the worst that could happen, right?

“Derek!” She pulled him into a tight hug that he hesitantly returned. “What a pleasant and not at all unusual surprise?”

“I was busy with college.” Derek supplied, pulling away from his sister’s grip while simultaneously avoiding her gaze.

“And you’re here now, why?” Laura’s tone was soft and devoid of any judgment. Derek chanced a glimpse at her and saw genuine concern on her face so he resigned to himself and sighed.

“I think I messed up big time.” He admitted, still looking at his older sister with the wary expression, afraid that he’ll be turned away by the only person he can count on now. He was ready to turn around when he heard his sister sigh but stopped short when she invited him inside instead.

“You’ve always been the problematic child so I’m not surprised.” The words stung Derek a little bit, but he knows she was just teasing. He gave his sister an appreciative smile as she led him into her living room.

Derek sat on the sofa while Laura went into the kitchen to fix them a cup of tea and he noticed some major differences in the apartment. The discoveries made him realise how long it has been since he last visited and that, in turn, made him feel just a tad bit shittier than he already does. _The guilt just keeps on piling._

He didn’t get the chance to wallow in self-pity for long when Laura came back holding a tray of mugs and a box of biscuits. He wondered since when has she become so posh? He didn’t dare ask because he thought it would be _rude_ and he felt a slight pull in his heartstrings.

“So, what did you do this time? Did you finally knocked a girl up and her boyfriend’s threatening to kill you?” It probably says a lot about him that Laura could say something like that and have it sound like it’s a reasonable and plausible problem that Derek could have. Regardless, Derek sighed. He wished it was that simple. At least with an angry boyfriend, he could defend himself.

“It’s uhm…” Derek struggled, fumbling over the right words to say in his mind. “There’s this one guy and I feel like I messed up with him.” He finally admitted through held breath and he held it some more while waiting for Laura to say something harsh and judgemental.

“Oh Derek,” Was all that she said in a concerned tone. “What did you do now?” Her voice was so soft that Derek didn’t almost hear it if not for the way she leaned towards him to rub his back.

Derek hesitated for a bit, wondering if it was right for him to spill everything to his sister, but then he remembered how she has always been there for him through the good times and the bad. With one last resigned sigh, Derek began sharing everything about him and Stiles, from the moment they first bumped into one another to the time Stiles made him apologise for his rude behavior towards his friend. Laura snorted at some bits and pieces, giving her own commentary about how she should really congratulate Stiles for teaching Derek with some manners.

Then he went on to the saucier bits of their friendship. All the times they spent together, all the text messages they’ve exchanged and the hanging outs (which Laura pointed out were obviously _dates_ no matter how hard Derek protested.) Through all these, Laura remained patient. She eagerly listened up until the very end where Derek, quite shakily, relayed how he barged in on Stiles’ apartment intoxicated and practically went on a homophobic tirade. Laura may have been shocked by this, but she set aside her judgment for later as she let her brother finish his story with a heaving breath.

“Wow,” Laura finally said after a few minutes of silence. “I mean, _Derek!_ ” and here it comes. Derek’s own sister would finally see how much of a shitty person he really is and relay the message to the whole family so they can all disown him for being the worst Hale to ever live, barring his uncle Peter.

“You _like_ this Stiles guy a lot huh?” Derek blinked once, twice, and once more before looking at his sister with incredulous eyes because _what!?_

“Did you not hear _anything_ I said? You missed the point _entirely_ Laura!” He said in a high-pitched tone pointedly ignoring the defiant look on her face.

“Oh, I got the point exactly right brother dearest.” Laura’s smirking now and that never bodes well for Derek. When he just glared at him with knitted eyebrows, Laura let out an exasperated sigh like Derek was her 3-year-old son who doesn’t know the difference between a toilet bowl and a bathtub.

“Look Der, you clearly like this guy whether you want to admit it now or not. Clearly, he means something to you and I don’t know where you got all that shitty machismo façade, but liking a guy _doesn’t_ make you instantly gay and even if it did, there’s nothing wrong with it.” Derek kept his silence as Laura continued her monologue, directing his gaze instead, to the floor.

“I mean have you ever been attracted to other guys before?” Derek mumbled in the negative and Laura cried out at him.

“Have you felt this way whenever you’re around Isaac or Boyd or any of your super macho friends?” Derek shook his head and Laura continued.

“Derek, sexuality is a spectrum. Nobody fits into a single category and we all like who we like. _Maybe_ you’re still straight, but then you grew to like a particular person who happens to be a guy. _It happens._ You liking Stiles doesn’t make you any less of a man, it doesn’t diminish your manhood, and it _doesn’t_ and _shouldn’t_ define who you are as a person. But you know what does? You running away from your own feelings and instead choosing to turn those unexplained emotions into words that inadvertently hurt Stiles.”

Derek is starting to finally realise how Laura, as well as his friends, could probably be right about his relationship with Stiles. With every word that Laura dropped, Derek could feel his heart beat a little faster and his breath hitch a little heavier. _He may actually like Stiles if just a little bit._

“I know this is an uncharted territory for you and I know that you’re scared of these new overwhelming feelings, but remember what mum always told us?” Laura paused as she looked at her brother.

 _“Never be afraid to dive into the sea and discover new things.”_ Derek recollected with fondness. Laura smiled at him before she continued.

“Maybe it’s scary now, but you’ll never know what could be waiting for you if you don’t try it. I mean, I can’t be certain if you still have the opportunity to do so, but if Stiles is half the man you told me about then I’m sure he will be willing to at least hear you out. All you have to do now is grow a pair, own up to your mistakes and take anything that Stiles will throw at you.” Laura now reached out to hold Derek’s hands as a gesture of comfort. Derek only ever cried a handful of times in his life and right now he’s really close to tearing up.

“But what do I do Laura? I’ve tried apologising to him but everytime he sees me, he goes running to the opposite direction and Isaac wouldn’t help either.” For once, Derek finally let his exasperated tone reflect the exhaustion he has been feeling since the day he realised how much damage he has done to his relationship with Stiles.

“I’m sorry Derek, but I can’t really help you with that. It’s not my place to meddle, but I want you to understand that I really believe you care for this Stiles guy and if you really want him back in your life, you should do everything you can to make him see that.” Laura’s words, although consoling, didn’t do anything to ease the storm that’s still wreaking havoc inside Derek.

“Thank you, Laura.” He said with a small smile before bumping shoulders with his sister who rolled her eyes before pulling him into a proper hug.

“At least hug your sister for being awesome.” Was her light response and Derek has never been more grateful for her.

That night when he came back to their apartment, he found Isaac lounging in the living room, watching a Game of Thrones marathon. Derek’s heart tugged as he remembered the first time he saw the show with Stiles. He stopped in his tracks to consider his options. He could either ignore Isaac and sulk in his room or he could start to grow a pair and man up.

“Laura already called me so you might as well get your ass over here.” Isaac suddenly spoke, not bothering to tear his eyes from the gruesome scene playing out in front of them and Derek is partly relieved that he could at least save himself the embarrassment from possible groveling.

As he sat tentatively on the sofa opposite Isaac, he felt like he was a stranger in his own home and he hated that feeling. He settled for glaring at Isaac who didn’t even have the decency to turn off the television, but at least he put it on mute so Derek restrained himself from smacking his best friend in the head.

“I messed up.” Derek said in a soft whisper and Isaac muttered his agreement. “It’s just that I have never felt anything like this for anyone ever and I didn’t know how to deal with it. I guess it came from the fact that Stiles brought out this side of me that even I don’t know about myself and in the process, he made me question all the things that I always thought were true about myself.”

Derek paused but when Isaac didn’t speak he continued spilling his emotions. “Look, it was never easy for me to come to terms that I _might_ be developing feelings for a guy, much more so a great man who is, in so many ways, better than me. All I know now is that what I did was wrong on so many levels and if I could turn back time I would, but I can’t so I’m asking you Isaac, _please_ help me fix my mess. I have never been right since that night and each day that I don’t get to apologise to Stiles slowly drives me to insanity.”

Isaac stayed silent for all of it as Derek let out a heavy breath, not being used to talk too much in a single go. Derek kept staring at Isaac who stood up and walked towards him with an unreadable expression on his face. When he was standing right in front of Derek, he narrowed his eyes before delivering a smack right on Derek’s head.

“Scott told me to give you that once you finally came to your senses.” Isaac is giving Derek a mischievous smirk now and that’s how he knows they’re okay again.

“So, can I go to Stiles now?” Derek thought it was right to ask for permission first even though he already knew the answer.

“If you screw this up for me and Scott, I swear to god Derek!” Isaac gave him a pointed look which Derek returned with a wink.

“Not everything is about you, Isaac.” He shouted as he sprinted out of the apartment.

Derek’s emotions were having a field day as he drove his car to his destination while his heart hammered against his chest in a mixture of edginess, exhilaration, and anxiety. He drove as fast as he can, almost running through several red lights until he finally made it to the apartment.

He was still fuelled with adrenaline and the newfound hope that maybe he can still fix this mess when he ran to Stiles and Scott’s shared unit and knocked on the door. He didn’t have to wait long until the door was swinging open. Scott was the one who opened it with his trademark dopey smile which soon turned sour at the sight of Derek.

“What are you doing here?” Were the cold, unwelcoming words that greeted Derek and not for the first time that day, he felt dread fill his body but he was here on a mission so he steeled on as he looked at Scott with the sincerest expression on his face.

“I’m here to talk to Stiles. I know how much I hurt him and I…”

“Stiles is not here and you’re not allowed to be anywhere near him, _ever!_ ” Scott cut Derek off with an icy tone that he has never thought he would associate with the jolly guy.

“Look, Scott I just need to apologise to him in person okay,” Derek sighed, feeling his knees go weak as the adrenaline washed off, pushing the door open while Scott threatens to slam it on him. “I want Stiles to know I’m really sorry for the things I said.”

“You’re not allowed to do that Derek, not after what you said and did to him. He was nothing but good to you and you broke him.” Scott said this with so much distaste that Derek felt his shoulder slump as each word felt like a rock that weighed him down.

He was about to open his mouth and defend himself when he heard it from the background. “Scott, who’s that?” It was Stiles in the apartment, unlike what Scott has told him and Derek’s heart started thumping rapidly once more.

 _“Don’t you dare,”_ Scott warned with such venom, but Derek knew what he needed to do and he can face the consequences from the man who is standing between him and Stiles later.

“Stiles it’s me, Derek!” He shouted and immediately, he felt the booming silence all around him. All he heard then was the blood rushing through his veins as Scott looked pointedly at him while he waited for what felt like hours.

“ _Oh_ …” Stiles softly said from behind, still obscured by Scott and the door. “Would you like to come in Derek?” He finally heard as Stiles’ meekly slid behind his best friend. Derek’s heart may have felt a strong pang, but he wouldn’t pass this opportunity even if he was having a heart attack.

“Yes please,” He mostly whispered as he avoided Scott’s glares. “I-if it’s okay with you, that is.” He quickly added, suddenly feeling the bravado flee his body.

“Stiles, _don’t_ ,” Scott advised with his eyes still fixed on Derek, but Stiles was already pushing his friend away from the door and gesturing for Derek to come in, all the while avoiding his gaze.

“I think you should go and leave now Scott,” Stiles said in a hushed tone while the three of them stood in the living room in total awkwardness.

“I’m not leaving you with _him!_ ” Was Scott’s reply and Derek didn’t miss the repulsed look he shot Derek.

“I can handle this Scott. I’m sure Derek would just like to talk, right?” It was the first time that Stiles has looked and addressed something at Derek in weeks that it rendered him quite speechless so he just gave a slight nod of agreement.

“I’ll be at the café downstairs so if anything happens, you’ll know I’ll be nearby.” Scott finally relented and even though he was talking to Stiles, somehow Derek knew that the message was more of a threat towards him than a reassurance for his best friend. Sure enough, before he left, Scott made a _‘watching you’_ gesture at Derek that would have been silly at some other time but was genuinely scary at that particular moment.

“So…”

“How’ve you been?” Derek and Stiles said simultaneously after a beat of silence. The question threw Derek off guard and paused for a second to think of the appropriate answer until he finally spoke.

“Miserable. How have you been Stiles?” He thought it would be useless lying now so he just told the other man the simple truth.

“Yeah, me too.” Derek didn’t have the guts to look at Stiles, but if the crack in his voice was any indication, he was probably looking sullen and Derek hated himself a little bit more for that.

Several more moments of silence passed between them, all of which Derek spent while looking on the floor when Stiles spoke again. “Why did you do it Derek?”

If Derek was being honest, the question wasn’t what did it, but the way Stiles asked it. He has never heard someone sound so hollowed — so filled with sadness — that it pierced through his heart and for a second he couldn’t think, couldn’t even breathe.

“I…” Derek whispered.

“Look at me, Derek!” And that was the first time, in all the months that Derek has known Stiles, that he heard him raised his voice. It made Derek tremble, but it also made him look up at him. _Properly_ look at him. Stiles looked as broken as he sounded and Derek began to walk up to him but hesitated, instead he kept the eye contact.

“I was a coward.” He heard Stiles’ bitter laugh, disbelieving. “I felt things that I have never felt for a man before and it scared the hell out of me. I never had to deal with stuff like this and then you came into my life like a freaking ball of sunshine and you overwhelmed me with your constant politeness, your genuine kindness, and your goddamned amazing personality that it totally threw me off and without knowing it, you have occupied most of my life. I didn’t realise it then, but I know now that I do cherish you in my life and I’ve come to accept that I like you more than just a friend.”

Derek only stopped when he realised that his heart has been hammering so fast against his chest that it threatened to burst and his face was the temperature of California summer. All through all these, they maintained their eye contact with each other and as the minutes passed with Stiles keeping his silence, Derek’s hope that this could be fixed was faltering.

“You called me out for being too nice to you, made me feel bad about myself, and said some homophobic stuff because you were an emotionally constipated adult who can’t handle his own feelings?” Stiles said in a voice devoid of any emotion that it made Derek wince a little bit before he gave him a nod.

“I cannot _fucking_ believe you! I have been feeling like a shit stewing in a pot of more shit for weeks now because I thought I was a fucking stupid shitty person who fucking ruined our _relationship_ with my dumb and constant presence in your life and you tell me that it’s only because your dipshit stupid self can’t face the fact that you _like_ me? Derek that is so _fucked up_!” Stiles said in an exasperated outburst of emotions and Derek… well, Derek was slightly freaked out because this man, Stiles who, apologised to him after Derek bumped into him, Stiles who, in all the time Derek has known him has never cursed a single time, and Stiles who made passing remarks about Derek’s manners for months just had an explosive rant worthy of a filthy sailor.

“Stiles I…” Derek was at a loss for words. “That was…”

“What, _impolite?_ Do you want to know what impolite is Derek? When you barge into someone’s apartment in the middle of the night, drunk, and you fucking hurt someone’s feelings just because you can’t figure out your own. _That_ Derek is what’s impolite!” Stiles was almost close to tears now, but Derek kept quiet and let the other man finish his piece. “I kept asking myself what I did wrong to push you away from me and I cried myself to sleep every night thinking about how I screwed us up. Even Scott can’t convince me that you were the problem and not me, but it turns out he was right. I didn’t cause the rift between us; it was your inability to comprehend what love is that did it.”

When Stiles finished, he was shaking and out of breath. Weirdly enough, Derek felt his own hands trembling and his own breath hitching, but he didn’t care because now Stiles looks so broken and so exhausted that all Derek wanted to do was put him back together so he took three big steps and closed the gap between him and Stiles with a tight hug while whispering constant apologies into Stiles’ ear.

Derek didn’t know when it started, but suddenly he felt hot streams of wet tears trickle down his face as he clutched into Stiles for dear life, afraid that if he let go the other man would run away from him and he would never manage to catch him again.

They stayed there for an eternity in Derek’s mind. He was a sobbing mess, muttering an endless tirade of apologies and Stiles stayed still in his grasp. Once he has kept his emotions intact, Derek slowly pulled away to see that Stiles’ eyes were also red and puffy and he felt like a shit all over again.

“Stiles,” He said in a husky tone. “I’m really sorry that I’ve caused you so much pain and strife. Clearly, I wasn’t thinking when I told you all those stuff and I may have thought they held some truth at the time, but they’re nothing except bold-faced lies of someone who wasn’t ready to confront his feelings. All I want now is to somehow salvage whatever was left of our friendship and hopefully I could make you see how much I’m willing to change. There’s no use denying it now Stiles; I like you and I don’t give a damn if you are a guy because honestly? I can’t see myself feeling as strongly as I feel for you now. So, if you could find it in you, I hope you could forgive me.”

“No,” Stiles said in a heartbeat and Derek felt his own, stop. He was ready to leave and lick his wounds when Stiles continued. “Not yet anyway. I was deeply scarred by what you did Derek and I don’t think I have it in me right now to simply forget everything you said to me like they were just random babbling of a drunk guy. I _liked_ you Derek and I thought we could have a meaningful relationship, but then you shattered me into a million pieces and I’m still picking up those broken shards so _no._ I’m sorry but I cannot forgive you just yet Derek. I have to build myself back up again before I could entertain the idea of that, but I appreciate your effort and I want you to know that I am so glad that you have come to that realisation.”

The words stung Derek more than anything ever did before, but he gave Stiles an understanding smile as he accepted his decision. He now sees that to earn Stiles’ forgiveness, he must work hard for it. He has screwed up and hurt the single most important person in his life so he was willing to do everything that he can to prove that he is a changed man and that Stiles wouldn’t regret giving him — giving _them_ — a second chance.

Shortly after, Derek bid Stiles goodbye which the latter returned with a small, wary smile. On his way to his car, Derek noticed Scott sitting in the coffee shop as he promised he would. He ducked behind Stiles’ jeep so as to avoid any more awkward encounters as he quickly went on his way, speeding through red lights while his body threatens to give up. He knows he deserved it, but that doesn’t mean it wouldn’t hurt less.

When he got home, he found Isaac still lounging on the couch with a bowl of chips that he immediately abandoned as soon as Derek walked into the room. It only took one look at Derek’s disheveled look to know that things didn’t go smoothly so he offered him a hug. At any given moment Derek would have declined, but he simply didn’t have any more energy to argue against it. It also didn’t hurt that Isaac was a great hugger.

“It will be fine Derek. Just give him some time.” Isaac said soothingly in between back rubs.

“Yeah.” Was Derek’s curt reply before he pulled away with the pretense of going to bed to sleep. Isaac offered his company if he ever needed it, but Derek knows better than to drag his friend down to his own pity party.

That night, if Derek only slept for a couple of hours as he thought of everything that went wrong with his life and how he plans to get back to Stiles’ good graces, then that’s perfectly acceptable, right? He was, after all, ready to prove his worth to the boy who came barrelling into his life, quite literally, and taught him that Love sees beyond the physical.

 

Monday rolled and Derek was in no better shape than he was the previous week, but he’s got a new resolve now and he is a man with a mission so without getting too much into it, he got out of bed at 7 in the morning, took a nice long shower, and got ready to leave for school regardless of the fact that his first class wasn’t until 1 PM.

When you have spent as much time with Stiles as Derek did, you’re bound to know a few things about him like the fact that his first class starts at 8 AM because Stiles is apparently a morning person who probably finds constant joy in seeing the sun rise, and that he usually runs late to even have his breakfast because he drives a jeep that is older than civilization but would never replace because he loves it dearly. Which is why an Engineering student was found walking through the parking lot near the Law Building with a bagel and coffee in hand early that Monday morning.

“Good morning Stiles.” Derek greeted in a cheery tone when Stiles got out of his jeep looking rather skeptical of Derek’s presence. Derek noticed that he was alone so at least he’s spared from Scott’s metaphorical growling.

“Good morning Derek.” The other man replied, his voice still cautious but Derek opted to ignore this as he handed him the paper bag and cup. “What’s this?”

“Bagels and coffee from that coffee shop where Isaac works.” Derek kept his wistful smile, hoping that it was enough to persuade Stiles that he wasn’t here with ill intentions.

“Oh, thanks, I guess?” Stiles meekly said, taking the food and drink from Derek’s hands with caution. It wouldn’t be a lie if Derek said that it hurt seeing Stiles act so carefully around him like they were strangers, but he remembered his resolve and thought he’ll turn the tides eventually. He just needed to be patient with Stiles.

“You’re welcome. Hope you have a nice day Stiles.” Derek waved him goodbye before turning on his heels and towards his car.

“You too Derek.” The reply was soft enough that Derek almost didn’t catch it, but he did and he felt the familiar flutters of gentle wings in his stomach.

 

What started with coffee and bagels soon moved to random happenstance around the campus. Derek would often bump into Stiles who was either running late, with some friends or with his best friend and without a miss, Derek would offer a greeting which the other often replied with affirmatives. Of course, Scott was another case entirely so Derek made sure that he was included in his plan to woo back Stiles into forgiving him since he was the best friend after all.

Sometimes Derek would initiate conversations with Scott whenever he came to the apartment which he would often shrug off or just give short and curt answers. Although it was a slow process, Derek remained patient like a gardener tending his flowers until they bloomed. He knew he had to take it slow with Scott as much as he does with Stiles and he understands that. All he could do now is hope and pray that he could earn their forgiveness soon enough.

Then out of nowhere, it happened on a Wednesday. Derek was on his way back to his apartment after his classes when he received a text message from Stiles. As soon as he saw the notification pop up his heart started beating faster and when he read the message asking him if they could meet up in the diner where they had their first _hang out_ (he wanted to call it a date, but thought against it) Derek almost lost it.

He drove fast and he drove as if his entire life depended on it. Probably because it somehow did and when he arrived at the diner he rushed inside only to be met the sight of Scott scooping his sundae.

“Hey, Scott.” Derek decided to say, looking around to figure out where Stiles is situated. “Where’s Stiles?”

“At home reviewing for his Orals,” Scott said in a tone which suggested that Derek should have known about it.

“But…” He slowly said.

“Oh right, the text. Stiles gives me his phone whenever he needs to concentrate on his school works and I decided it’s time the two of us talk.” The way Scott’s tone sounded, the butterflies in Derek’s stomach ceased to fly and were replaced by angry wasps and the rapid beating of his heart turned into tumultuous pounding. He doesn’t have the slightest clue what and how this will turn out but he took the seat opposite Scott as he waited for him to speak.

“So, you hurt my best friend’s feelings, ignore him for two months, and then come back again asking for his forgiveness like all you did was break his mug when what you actually broke was his heart. What’s up with that Derek?” Scott didn’t waste time mincing his words and Derek was left speechless as he looked at the former who simply blinked at him while eating his caramel sundae.

“It’s not… that’s not…” Derek struggled with his words as his heart raced at the accusations, but he took one deep breath to calm himself before attempting to speak again. “That was never my intention. I admit I said some pretty offensive things to him, but I was drunk and confused. I didn’t know any better.”

He waited for Scott to talk and when he didn’t, Derek began again. “I genuinely care for Stiles, but my pride got the better of me and I regret everything I did that night that led us to this situation. I would sell my soul if it meant I could turn back time and prevent Stiles from getting hurt the way he did.”

“But you can’t.” Scott’s voice was cold and cutting. “You can never turn back time and you can never undo the damage you did no matter how hard you try. Two months Derek. I had to see my best friend – my _brother_ – fall apart for two months for some moron who didn’t even have the guts to tell him how he really feels sober.”

Scott’s words were still ringing in his head when something snapped inside him. Yeah, maybe he was a moron who had no balls admitting that he fell for a guy; maybe he could never turn back time and undo the irreparable damage he made, and maybe he may never build that same relationship he had with Stiles but what does it matter? He’s has had enough with judgemental best friends who wouldn’t give him the chance to prove that he has changed and he would _never_ do anything again to hurt the only person he might have ever fallen in love with and Scott’s smiling now. Why was Scott smiling so wide?

Derek blinked twice and he looked around to see several people looking at them and he slinked back in his seat when he slowly realised that he might have just confessed undying love for Stiles in front of his best friend.

“Is that true?” Derek was amazed how Scott could switch from looking like a predatory wolf to a corgi puppy in a fraction of a second but he wouldn’t admit to that too.

“I mean, I guess?” He hesitated and Scott’s eyes are darkening again so he quickly supplied. “Okay, _maybe_ I am a little bit in love with Stiles. Not that it would matter anyway.”

The last part he whispered, but it was loud enough for Scott to hear if his dog-eared grin is any indication.

“Then what are you still doing here?”

“I… really?” Derek’s heart is thrumming, but unlike the past few days it’s a pleasant feeling and he can feel the end of his fingers tingling with barely contained excitement. He might finally have a shot at the shot of his life. Then he remembered that Scott was not Stiles and his heart began to falter. “But what if Stiles isn’t ready yet?”

“Or maybe he has been waiting for you to stop being an idiot and realise what we’ve all known for ages?” There wentDerek’s heart and its annoying habit of trying to beat its way out of his ribcage.

He didn’t argue though. He stayed in his seat for a few moments, watching Scott’s sundae melt into a sugary soup before standing up with a new purpose in life. He muttered a shaky _‘thanks’_ before he was ready to bolt out of the diner when he heard Scott speak again.

“The next time you hurt him, I will make your death look like an accident.” Derek was rarely scared, but there was something in the way Scott spoke with absolute certainty while scooping a huge chunk of his sundae that sent chills down his spine and all he could do was nod before leaving the establishment with calculated steps.

Once he was a safe distance away from the diner, he only _brisk walked_ towards his car before he pressed on the gas, speeding just below the limit until he reached Stiles’ apartment in record time. The same mixture of exhilaration and anxiety was back again, but Derek’s resolve was stronger this time. He only had to knock at their door frantically for a few moments before it was opened to the sight of Stiles in his ridiculous glasses and unkempt hair. He might have looked like an average college student to anyone passing by their hall but to Derek, he looked breathtaking.

“Hey Derek,” Stiles sounded exhausted, probably from studying. “I’m sorry but this is a bad time. I have an oral exam coming up tomorrow.”

“I know, Scott told me,” Stiles looked confused. “Long story. Look, Stiles, I really need to talk to you right now because I don’t think I’ll ever have the courage to...”

“So sorry Derek, but I really have to focus.” Derek’s heart was beating way too loud and Stiles is closing the door on his face but Derek can’t take another missed opportunity so he did what he did best in situations like this. He panicked.

“I think I’m in love with you!” He half-shouted as he slammed his hand against the door to prevent Stiles from closing it shut. The last part was probably unnecessary since Stiles effectively stopped on his tracks at Derek’s words.

“You what?” Stiles’ eyes were riddled with uneasy confusion but they also had a glint of something akin to hope so Derek only had to sigh once to calm himself before going on a rant.

“I think.” Derek paused and sighed. “No, I _am_ in love with you Stiles. May have been for a while and I am so sorry that it took me too long and too excruciatingly slow to realise it, but I can admit it now. I love you and your quirks. I love the way you always ask me about my day because nobody ever cared enough to do so. I love how you actually listen to me when I talk about my day even though they’re usually boring. I love how you are so nice to everyone even to those who probably do not deserve it, including me. I love how you make my chest hurt whenever you’re near and how you make me want to wrap you in my arms, never to let go whenever you leave. I love how you make me a better person because God knows I’m an awful human being, but you decided to look past that. Most importantly, I love you because you complete me in a way that nobody else can.”

When Derek was done, he was out of breath. He didn’t notice it, but now that he can focus again he can see Stiles crying and panic overran his body.

“Oh Stiles, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry if I hurt you and I’m sorry if I’m still hurting you but I just had to say that because…”

“Do you mean it?” He was interrupted by a shaking Stiles and Derek could only nod fiercely.

“Every word of it. I don’t care if you’re a man. Heck, you could be an alien from Mars for all I care! I’d still love you because you are the only person who bothered.” He had no time to continue because he was suddenly enveloped in a tight hug that radiated warmth and home. “So, does this mean we’re boyfriends now?”

Stiles _laughed_ which was all it too for the butterflies in Derek’s stomach to trash around. When Stiles pulled out from the hug, he was biting down a smile.

“I’m gonna do something and I hope you don’t freak out okay?” Stiles didn’t move as he kept his eyes on Derek until he nodded. Then everything went blank as he felt a soft pair of wet lips connect with his own. They moved in synchronicity with one another, neither one dominating the other as they both savoured the sweet taste of each other. It was nothing short of extraordinary and when they parted, Derek may or may not have whined.

“I hope that answers your question.” Stiles’ whisper ghosted on Derek’s lips as they drowned in each other’s stare. “I love you too, you _fucking_ Jerk!”

Derek howled like a lunatic but he cared for nothing more. He’s got the man of his dreams in his life and nothing can ruin this moment for him.

“ _Finally!_ ” The new couple turned their heads to the side together to see Scott and Isaac standing at the end of the hallway. Derek groaned while Stiles rolled his eyes.

“Go screw somewhere else tonight.” Derek finally spoke before he was shoving Stiles back into the apartment and locking the door behind him. _Nothing can ruin this moment for him,_ not even shitty, conniving best friends.

“Now then, where were we?” He asked Stiles in a husky tone which was met with a shudder before they were both stumbling towards Stiles’ bedroom. That night, Derek was anything but polite. Lucky for him, Stiles didn’t mind it one bit.

If Derek learned anything from this whole ordeal, it’s that Love comes in the most unexpected ways and for him, it came in the form of a skinny hipster with constellations of moles scattered throughout his body and two bright eyes that shone with incomparable optimism. It might not have been an easy journey for the both of them and he is most certainly sure that there would be lots of obstacles along the way but he knows he’ll do right with Stiles beside him and that’s all that should really matter.

 

**Author's Note:**

> If you made it through here without giving up, I appreciate you and I would appreciate you even more if you do so kindly leave me some constructive criticisms in the comment section or perhaps even just a kudos to boost my ego? In any case, all I really hope for is that you enjoyed this piece of me on the internet. As per usual, I do not own nor do I claim the cast of Teen Wolf as my own. If I did, Sterek would have been canon a long time ago. I'm on [Tumblr](http://pupsaac.tumblr.com/) if you wanna HMU or something like that?


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